Presenter: Alexa
Chung.
[Cheesy jingle plays
over the sound of the presenters giggling]
“98.3 Soma
FM, the real home of indie…”
Alexa Chung [breathy and giggly, as though her and the other
presenter had just been laughing at some inside joke throughout the jingle
playing]: Hi, I’m
Alexa Chung, as usual on Saturday afternoon with your lowdown on the latest
indie chart. Due to being on vacation, Alex Zane won’t be able to join me
today, so we have a special guest presenter with us today. I know he’ll never
be able to replace Alex, but give him a chance. It’s Dev Hynes, AKA Lightspeed
Champion!
[scattered applause
from sound engineers etc. inside the studio, followed by more giggling]
Lightspeed
Champion [Sarcastically, but good humoured]: Wow… I don’t know what to say.
Everybody’s so complimentary here. I’m truly humbled by your kindness.
A.C: Well,
you know, we aren’t usually this hospitable, it’s just for you, Dev.
L.C: Yeah, I
can tell you’re not used to doing it… [laughs] So,
I’ve been a regular listener of this show for about a year now, and it seems
you’ve had a lot of guest presenters for Alex, but none for you… What’s up with
that? [His voice is full of innocence, but
there is a hint of trouble in it] Do
you not like vacations or something?
A.C [sounding jokily uncomfortable]: Oh, er… Well, I’m just a lot more
dedicated to this show than Alex.
[something inaudible is heard shouted in the
background, from one of the sound engineers in the studio]
L.C: What? What
was that? Sounded interesting… Come a bit closer to the mic and say that, will
you?
Sound
engineer [giggling]: They give Alex more holidays because
he does better work than her.
A.C [sounding hurt, occasionally sniffing to give the
illusion she is crying, whilst sad violin music plays in the background]: Well… That’s not exactly true… I
mean… There are other factors too…
[a chorus of
Awwwwwwww echoes around the studio, as the Alexa bursts into fake wailing,
similar to that of a baby who’s just dropped her ice cream]
[Meanwhile in
Hollywood by Elle Milano starts playing, Alexa’s sobs still clearly audible for
around 5 seconds, but fading away until they are completely gone by the tenth
second of the song. As the song finishes, it is followed immediately by After
Hours by We Are Scientists. As After Hours gets close to the end (around 10
seconds from the end), it fades out and you can hear Alexa’s sobs, and Dev
comforting her]
L.C [Softly, soothing Alexa]: I’m sure they didn’t mean better better… [Quickly
switching to ‘professional mode’ with a clear of his throat, starting to talk
directly to the viewer] That
was, of course, Meanwhile in Hollywood,
the new single from Artrocker favourites Elle Milano in at number 10, followed
by After Hours by We Are Scientists. Now, Alexa, what’s been happening to our
favourite indie types this week?
A.C [Alexa’s voice now changes to one similar to a BBC
Newsreader, professional and crisp, giving an air of importance]: Get Cape.
Wear Cape. Fly. has been signed up in place
of Babyshambles to headline the Love Music, Hate Racism Carnival, after
frontman, Pete Doherty was sentenced to three and a half months in prison for
breaching his probation order. The carnival will take place in Victoria Park on
Sunday 27th April. Other acts confirmed as appearing include The
Good, The Bad and The Queen, Patrick Wolf and The View.
Not strictly
indie, but still noteworthy, Madonna has revealed that she will be appearing at
Radio One’s Big Weekend, a free 2 day festival which is being held in Kent in
May. The line up also includes The Fratellis, We Are Scientists and The Ting
Tings. Speaking of our favourite Scots, The Fratellis told us in an interview
yesterday that their new album will be hitting our shelves in June.
[A voice clip of Jon
Fratelli now plays. There is background noise, creating the atmosphere of the
interview having taken place at a festival, or something similar] “Yeah,
we’ve just finished recording the new album, and it’s called Here We Stand.
Hopefully it’ll be out at the start of June.”
A.C: Back to
you, Mr Champion.
L.C [Giggling at being called Mr Champion]: Thanks, Alexa. And now to play you
our numbers 8 and 7 in the indie charts this week. First up, at number 8, it’s…
[laughs] Well, it’s me, actually, Lightspeed Champion, with
Midnight Surprise.
[Midnight Surprise by
Lightspeed Champion plays, followed immediately after by Mr Understanding by
Pete and the Pirates.]
A.C [Now completely back to normal, as if her previous
outburst had never happened]:
And that was followed by our number 7, the new single from indie rockers Pete
and The Pirates.
[The cheesy jingle
from the start plays once again, followed four 30 second ads: One for the new
album by Death Cab For Cutie, one for Subway: Eat Fresh, one for a sale at PC
World and finally, an advert for Soma FM’s weekday breakfast show, with Simon
Amstell and Jo Whiley. After this, We’re in the Music Biz by Robots In Disguise
plays]
L.C: That was
electro favourites Robots in Disguise with their single We’re in the Music Biz,
in at number 6. And now it’s time for a competition, where you, our loyal fans,
can win 2 tickets to see Bloc Party live at the 02 Arena next Saturday. All you
have to do, is tell us who this celebrity voice belongs to:
[A 20 second clip of
Alexa Chung and Get
Cape. Wear Cape.
Fly. having a conversation over a cup of tea plays]
A.C: Yes, all
you have to do is text us on 60786 with the name of my celebrity house guest.
Better get your thumbs moving, though, ‘cos you’ve only got ten minutes to tell
us. You must have celebrities popping round for a chat all the time, eh, Dev?
Can you give us a few secrets they might’ve spilled to you?
L.C: Ah,
well, that’d be telling, Alexa. Although, I guess just one won’t hurt. Erm… [Pondering who to spill the beans on] Well, Conor Oberst won’t go to sleep
with the light off. He says it’s because of an episode of South Park
he saw once involving some kind of Manbearpig thing.
A.C:
Interesting… Verrry interesting. On that note, I’d like to introduce you to our
numbers 5 and 4 in the charts. Both from Nebraska,
It’s Tilly and the Wall with Beat Control, followed by Bright Eyes, with Four
Winds.
[Beat Control by
Tilly and the Wall plays, followed by Four Winds by Bright Eyes]
A.C: Almost
time for this week’s number one! Ooh, my legs are turning to jelly and I’ve got
a funny feeling in my loins… It’s gonna be a good’un, boys and girls.
L.C: And it’s
almost time to announce the winner of our text competition, too, so stop
texting now, we don’t want you wasting your hard earned cash.
[A 30 seond advert
for Sheila’s Wheels home insurance plays, followed by a 30 second advert for
Ticketmaster.com and a 30 second advert for the new Fratellis Album. These
adverts are then followed by two songs: Backfire at the Disco by The Wombats
and Go Mr Sunshine by Remi Nicole]
A.C: Backfire
at the Disco, the new single from the Wombats first there, at number 3,
followed by Remi Nicole’s Go Mr Sunshine. And now [long
pause for effect] It’s
time to announce the winner of the text in competition… Tell us, Lightspeed,
which lucky listeners will be seeing Bloc Party perform at one of the biggest
arenas in the country?
L.C:
Iiiiiiiit’s… [Drum roll sound
effect, whilst Alexa pauses for effect] Hilton from Coventry!
Well done, Hilton, those tickets will be finding there way to you no later than
Tuesday.
A.C: Now.
Take a deep breath. Maybe sit down. It’s our number one.
[The intro to Two
Steps Forward by Emmy the Great starts to play for around 5 seconds, before
fading out to background music]
A.C: Two
Steps Forward by Emmy the Great! Enjoy, and I’ll see you all next week.
[Two Steps Forward
starts up again, just as Emmy the Great starts to sing, playing through until
the end, when the Soma FM jingle is heard once more]
I can't remember if I made the news bit up in the news section.
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